I decided it was time to delete the previous posts I had made and start fresh.
We lost our Angel Baby at 7 weeks pregnant, on July 28th, 2008. It started with some light bleeding, which eventually got heavier and by the time the contractions came along, I knew that was it. As I didn't pass any bigger clots, the doctor wanted to keep checking my hCG levels every few days to make sure it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy. It wasn't, hCG levels went down and the bleeding lasted only for 6 days, much like a normal period with slightly heavier flow for the first two days. It was the emotional bleeding that lasted much longer. Of course at first I went over it in my head, wondering if I had somehow caused it, or if I could've somehow prevented it, all the while knowing in my heart of hearts that there was nothing I did or didn't do that had caused it, it was just an unfortunate event in my life, our life.
I have come to terms with it, but I do still think about it.
I would be 19+2 weeks along today, approaching the day I could find out the gender, I would have a belly and pictured of the baby. I would be supporting an even bigger belly at Christmas, when visiting the in-laws.
The strangest thing is though, that I don't feel as scared of losing a following pregnancy as I did of the first one. I don't know if it was a case of just knowing it wasn't going to end well, or maybe now that I've been through it, I know how it feels and I know how to deal with it. Nothing to be overly scared about, though I still wish not to experience it again.
Anyway, Angel Baby's due date was March 17th 2009, so we'll see how I'll manage that day. Until then, I best get on with my life as normal, and deal with it when the day arrives... which by the way won't be long.
